So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
