just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
