Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
