Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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