she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
