You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize