I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she peed on how many people?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
