You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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