That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
