So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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