This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm at about main and main street
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
