just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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