I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
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then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Your penis caused this!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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