I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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