I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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