god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
