Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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