So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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