I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
