my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize