Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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