Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
