I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
