my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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