Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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