your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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