My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize