Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
