Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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