The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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