Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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