He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
