He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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