Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
