He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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