Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
