He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
