So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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