if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
