Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
