So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize