Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
