just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
