Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
