Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
