It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
