he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
