i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
