It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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