It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
