i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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