How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
