I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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