i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
