That's intense
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
