Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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