one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This baby is an asshole
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
