she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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