it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
