could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
