I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
